Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Journal writing about sitting meditation

as I sit, my body settles
on to the cushion
legs rest on the mat

i notice my posture --
back -- is it happy today?
or is it cranky and
tapping its devil dance
under the shoulder blade
shoulders relaxed? neck?
is the head resting freely
or is it scrunching down
between the shoulders?
if I'm hunched over,
can I straighten with the help of a breath?

is the breath shallow or deep?
easy or labored?
pay attention to the body
with kindness
drop judgment
let it go

notice the mind --
what is it doing today?
active or sluggish?
quiet or lively?

any emotions dancing around?
just notice
let tears come or smiles

look at what is in front of me
windows, wall, carpet
be aware of the room
light, people, sounds

so much to notice, to pay attention to
sometimes overwhelmed by it all
i go off to la-la land
remember something
plan my day
don't forget to ...

increasingly i notice
when i'm doing that
and gently return
to this place, this room, this body
this very body and breath
of Buddha

when i get sleepy
i do the same
maybe take a deep breath
notice the room
my body on the cushion
the light in the windows
sound of traffic
sensation in the legs,
back, shoulders, neck, head

what has changed since
i first sat down?
why did it change?
what am i seeing / hearing /
thinking / feeling
what makes this moment
different from when I sat down?
endless questions
increasing fascination

a sense of freedom in
allowing the mind
to pay attention to
myself, my own
experience, thoughts, needs

luxury! no one tells me
i have to do this their way
i get to find my own way
no one gives me a deadline:
by 2012 you must achieve enlightenment
it's known that it takes as long as it takes

i increasingly relax
into this sense of freedom
of space

this sense of space
the foundation
who knew that you could
make a foundation
out of space?
this sense of not knowing
who I am
what happens next
how to prepare
to do the right thing
once so scary,
now increasingly
a foundation
of confidence


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