Monday, November 03, 2008

November 2, 2008

I've been buried with work, but am really happy, feeling like I'm doing well, and enjoying what I do. I keep hoping to slow down long enough to write an update, but haven't been doing that lately, and my blog is way out of date. Maybe tomorrow? No prison group tomorrow night, so I may have some space to breathe. Mondays (day off) are traditionally laundry in the morning, brunch with the community here, and then library sometime during the afternoon. I have one book due tomorrow and if I take it back, the chances are pretty good that I will look around and find some more to check out, either there in the kinda small branch library I go to or in their system-wide catalog. Then guess what I spend the rest of the day and evening doing?

This morning I got up early to participate in our annual Founders Vigil. Our teachers' teacher and her teacher both died in early November, and so we do an all-night vigil each year to honor them. There are some people who sit in the evening and into the night, but I've found that it works well for me to get some sleep first and then get up early to sit 3-6am. I did that this morning, and it was lovely. There were three of us when I first sat down, and five by the time I got up. I think MrK did the entire vigil -- he usually tries to do that, and he's someone who doesn't seem to need a lot of sleep. I simply can't do that, so I don't try to. If my teacher asks me to do that some time, I will do it, and know that I will be basically non-functional for two days afterward. But I wouldn't voluntarily do it, and I doubt seriously that he will ask me to.

Of course, my "little sister" just ordained thinks I'm crazy for getting up early on my days off to go sit at 6am when I don't have to. What she doesn't understand is that I really do "have to," in that it seems to be a requirement for me these days to sit at that time every day in order to keep making progress in my training and stay on an even keel. I'm getting a sense of what it means to sit still in the midst of all sorts of storms (internal and external), and the value of that. I find it incredibly precious. I thought I might take a nap this afternoon, but I didn't. And I just got back from a meeting with ZCO, and am not planning to sit with them this evening -- time to head up the street and settle in with the book that's due tomorrow (I'm half way through it) and go to bed.

I note that my father died one year ago today. I remembered him last week at our Segaki Festival, and his name was read on the list of those who have died in the last year. I find my feelings about him softening a bit on this first anniversary of his death, and that is good.


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